just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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