I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
