I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
