i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
