He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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