just tell him i said nine months
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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