and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
