Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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