i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
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The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
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But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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