It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
