I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Randomize
