I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
