That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?