Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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