I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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