1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
