well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
