Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
