I like to think it a success when the cops are called
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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