How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
