spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
