people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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