He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
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