I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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