have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
