You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
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Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
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I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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