You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
