No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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