Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
