So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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