If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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