The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0