hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.