Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
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Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
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I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.