Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.