Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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