We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
