so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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