He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
