At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
