Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
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My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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