1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Randomize
