He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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