TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
my liver is dry heaving
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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