If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
i believe in u and ur pee
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