dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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