apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
