I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
