i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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