R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
