Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Randomize
