oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
