i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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