I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
