sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
