talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Randomize
