I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
