happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
