I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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