I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Randomize