It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
