fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
