I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize
