im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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