he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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