Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
