yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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