I CAN MOONWALK!
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
