curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
